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Monday, 22 August 2011

Two ways to get your vanilla wife or girlfriend to Deny you....

"(Yawn) Thanks honey, that was fab.
Sleep now..."
If you trawl through FLR/WLM blogs, Denial is almost top of the whinge-list...I mean wish list. It's also something we part-time slaves/subs "enjoy".
Denial - You serve and service her, and then she tells you you're not allowed to come.

God knows why that's such a turn on, but it is--for us. Unfortunately, by its very nature, Denial is less instantly attractive for them - the women in our lives.

For us the Act of Denial is deeply erotic - we get that wonderful panicky squirmy feeling. However, it's not really denial unless she's already satisfied, and by definition, being sexually satisfied means she's not excited by anything erotic at that moment.

Plus, she's had an orgasm. She probably feels nurturing rather than mean. Perhaps she's not sure whether you really want to follow through or not - it's such an odd, self-contradictory fetish after all. And if you need her to do it in a dominant way while you plead for the orgasm you actually don't want - forget it, she's tired and ready to go to sleep.
So, though she may enjoy teasing, and she may be turned on by the idea of denial, when it comes to the crunch, there's a good chance you'll be disappointed (and satisfied - nobody said we perverts were simple).

There are two possible solutions.

But first, let me say that it's important that you tell her what you're doing.

You refusing to come inside her, refusing to be vulnerable with her - that can make her feel rejected. Imagine if she were with holding her orgasm from you.... So, be clear that this is fetish and fantasy territory, not some new dispensation.

Now the solutions:
1. Male Chastity Device

This is an absolute no-brainer. If you can't get out of the device, you can't have sex, and that means you're going to be denied by default. Don't give her the key, that just puts the responsibility onto her. Instead, put it where you can't get it until the morning - Timelock software is free and easy to use.

Some of solution #2 also applies to this solution, so read on...

2. Make denial the default option

This works especially well if she's turned on by the prospect of denying you, but doesn't follow through. There's a chance that once she knows the denial will be real, she'll be even more turned on, with the possibility of her being more proactive later (or disgusted and turned off--your relationship, your responsibility).

Agree, preferably during the early stages of your love making session, that you aren't going to get to come. If possible, give her her final climax through fingers or tongue. When she's done, withdraw gently but promptly and go straight to afterglow. Don't whine or mention your "condition", and a few minutes later, she won't be physically ready for penetration anyway.

If questioned, don't go on about the joy of sacrificing your orgasm to her, or this as the ultimate expression of anything -- her instincts are probably nagging at her to get you off.

Instead, emphasise the next time.

Yes, the next time.

Most of the fun of denial is in the lead up, in knowing that despite all the pleasure and lust, You Are Not Having an Orgasm Tonight. Obviously, that only works if you really believe it. So if you want another mind-blowing experience next time, then you really can't come this time.

"If I come this time, then I won't believe I'm not coming next time."
There's a little more to it than that - how to fit your fetish to her particular mood, how to approach her about it in the first place and when, but I've put that in my femdom manual...


  1. You know, I'm not so sure I want My Lady to deny me an orgasm. It doesn't really turn me on, or at least, I don't think it does. I mean, if she wanted to deny me, then I would go along with it, but it would be her kink, not mine.

    I *do* like the control aspect, though. That is VERY hot.

  2. Me, I like the "whoops you're in chastity so don't get off", but I'm not very much into active denial; "Hmmm. No, not tonight, dear."

    I think there's no off-the-peg Femdom.


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