Why write a Femdom relationship book?

I am in  a relationship with a happy Femdom element. However, when I started down this road, I made a lot of mistakes. It took me ages to realise that they even were mistakes, to shed my sense of entitlement.

Hanging out on the Internet helped, and it didn't help. There's a lot of bad advice and one-handed typing out there. There are also too many one-size-fits all solutions.

While finding my own path, I've watched other people succeed, fail, and of course fantasise. I've also compared notes with kinky friends in real life, and online.

So, over the year, I've had the good fortune to work out how it's done, not just for myself, but for others.

By it, I mean authentic Femdom.

And by authentic Femdom, I mean a style of relationship where she really is in charge, getting what she wants and enjoying it too--

--and that's without you nagging, steal submitting, or manipulating your way to it.

The trick, I realised, is that there is no trick - just as there's no perfect chat up line. Stop telling her what she can do to make you her slave, and start working out what you as a slave can do for her.

It means giving up on a few fantasies that don't quite fit who you both are.

It also means accepting that Femdom mimics ancient evils, either patriachy inverted, or slavery. Rather than try to get around this by constructing a crumbling gynosupremicist philosophy, it's better to embrace that evil within a firewall.

Finally, it means accepting that this is a male fantasy, so the man has to do most of the work to make it happen.

So, I was never going to write a Uniquely Rika, focused on guiding a woman to take control 24/7. There's nothing wrong with FLR/WLM, but it's not for me, and nor is it a realistic outlet for most men with submissive urges.

Instead, I wanted to show submissive men how to sell themselves as part-time slaves to their wives or girlfriends, entirely on the vanilla benefits.

Really, it's fine if, for her, a back rub is just a back rub, or oral sex is just oral sex. The kink is in the way she gets it on demand, without consequences or obligations.

However, I still needed an angle. Something to hang the idea on.

And then I discovered something scary and fabulous about Ancient Roman ladies and their male slaves...