Tuesday, 21 August 2018

Day 1 of (?) Permanent Chastity

Woke, saw Xena off to work, worked, cleaned, exercised, worked some more, cooked dinner, ate with Xena, cleaned up, jogged, showered, rubbed Xena's feet while she read, went to sleep...

All very normal.

But different.

For a start, no emergency key.

I don't really think I need one for actual emergencies - if I'm lying in an ambulance, rooting around with a key in my underpants will be just as excruciatingly embarrassing as  asking them to bring out the shears to cut the nylon. Also, with no metal parts, the device isn't going to get in the way of  a scan.

However, the emergency key did mean I always had the theoretical possibility of wimping out and unlocking for any given activity, for example for a spontaneous pint with the lads. Turns out I was making all sorts of background decisions I'm only now aware of because when I hit the decision point, it's no longer there. That gives me a panicky feeling I had not expected.

The other thing is, no chance of suddenly being unlocked.

Up until now, there's always been a key around, either in Xena's drawer, or, if that one is in the time safe, the security sealed emergency key in my my wallet. Though the latter is supposed to be a last resort, there's always been the possibility that Xena might suddenly want me out for sex - we had actual sex twice on vacation! - or that she might just decide I should have an orgasm the next day.

Knowing that can't happen is... odd.


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