Customised Custom Chastity Saint Chastity Device: A Cure for Turtling and Catching

Pink! OMG!

(This is a rather technical article about male chastity device design and measurements. If you are looking for more on our Female Led Relationship click here.)

So Lady Fox of Custom Chastity sent me a modified version of the Saint to try out. It's lurid pink - her idea of a joke, I guess (it certainly made Xena laugh). It incorporates three changes to deal with "catching" and "turtling", and it works.

I think catching and turtling are the bane of close fitting male chastity.

In "catching" the penis shrinks a little, becomes unseated, then when it expands gets stuck with its nose rammed into the roof of the tube. In "turtling" the penis shrinks dramatically - usually in self defence - then gets jammed in position.

My Ghost

These cause problems when peeing - you need to go fishing for your dick with your finger - but also spoil the chastity experience. You rarely ever find your penis neatly seated in its prison. And, without manual intervention, an erection is likely to get stuck in the barrel - that's a real issue if you're tied up!

One solution is to have a relatively loose tube/cage section. My Custom Chastity Ghost fits this bill: the whole tube is width/diameter of the crown of my penis when hard. Occasionally if out and about on a cold day, peeing meant going fishing with my finger, but otherwise catching and turtling weren't a problem.

My Saint

However, we all want close fitting devices that make us feel constrained, and hides well under clothing. This leads us to the Saint which I've been wearing almost continuously since last Autumn.
As I put it in my review:

I find I'm mostly lined up to pee when I down-zip, but if I'm not, then it's easy to align properly. Similarly, if I'm stuck in the barrel due to night turtling, it's a simple matter to poke a finger in and retrieve the errant member. Oh, and of course, there's nowhere for pee to collect.

So the fix is essentially to accept catching and turtling as a fact of life, but have easy access to fix it. Until...

One day, using the sock trick to get into the device I pulled too much in and squished my head a little. The some of the shaft came into the head section. I left it like that to see what happened. Imagine my surprise when everything remained seated even during exercise, and no need to go fishing with my finger when I woke up! It wasn't perfect because I had to squash the head and it sometimes ended up caught unevenly. However, shifting the C ring back would resolve that.

Here's the sketch I sent Lady Fox:

I think it works because (a) the penis rears before it turtles, and that's the sweet spot to stop it, and (b) the new position for the C ring rests firmly on "corpus" rather than on its edge.

So, always keen to use me as a guinea pig,  Lady Fox shifted the C-ring back, and stretched the paperclip a little. She also - you can't see this - made the top of the cage section flush with the inside of the C-ring so there was nothing to catch on:

C-ring moved further back.

Finally, she removed the central ventral spar creating one big vent:

One big vent

This is intended to solve the occasional chafing problem caused by heat and sweat. However I suspect it also removes a trigger for turtling, and takes the rug out of jamming - there's nothing to jam against.

And it works.

For the last two days, I'v woken with morning wood perfectly seated in the device. And every time I've gone to pee, I've downzipped to find myself already lined up. At the most I've had to push the device against my body in order to dock the head with the slit.

Here's me wearing it, once I had dyed it a flesh tone:

Last night I took about fifty lashes while tied up. My erection came and went, but every time I was hard I was perfectly seated.

So basically, change just one measurement, and the turtling goes away. If only I'd known.

As for wearing this Custom Chastity device long term - watch this space...

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Coming out as a submissive?

From the outside, our FLR/malesub identities look like 

(a) doting husband (already public) plus 

(b) kinky goings on (private).

The weird thing about being a submissive of my generation is that we've worked so hard to be invisible, but wish we weren't.

I don't mean visible in the "my mistress leads me on a leash to the shopping mall to buy her boots" way. 

I just mean ,"not invisible."

A (RL) friend of mine who's also in a female led relationship - sort of my fault, I think - put it this way: "Somebody other than just your partner has to know who you really are."

We both have fellow malesubs to talk to, but after the initial heart to heart, there's not much to really discuss. By the time you get this far into middle age, you know what you like and how to do it, and you're OK with wanting those things. Once in a while it's useful to compare technical notes, but that's that.

However, for both of us - him and I - it goes beyond sharing the secret with a handful of confidants. We'd like a space where we don't have to hide our identities.

But what would that safe space look like?

Both of us are in monogamous relationships, so it's not the same as being young and coming out so as to date kinkily. In fact, it's not clear what difference being more out would make. From the outside, our FLR/malesub identities look like (a) doting husband (already public) plus (b) kinky goings on (private).

So, most of our - Xena and my - friends already know that I revolve around her, keeping house, supporting her career and that I defer to her on most decisions. One or two find it sweetly amusing. If I told them that it's in my nature to do what Xena wants, they'd tell me that they already knew that and "So what?" If I told them about the discipline and the chastity, they'd tell me "Ewww" and "Too Much Information" or else "So what?" Or perhaps, "Good for you."

That last is what happened when my friend did out himself to some of his more broadminded friends: They basically said some supportive things, said they were happy for him and the conversation moved on.

I'm not sure I can see the benefit of doing the same. I'd still be doing Xena's bidding, and we wouldn't be talking about our sex lives. Day-to-day, everything would look the same.

What if another couple turned out to actually be like us? Still no real change because the dynamic stuff is all private, even if it isn't secret. 

(OK, I admit it, I like the idea of Xena having another dominant friend and them egging each other on. But really, nothing would have changed.)

That leaves the BDSM community, which just isn't our scene. Our kind of kink doesn't belong in club, and Xena isn't interested in learning "better domming skills". I'm also not comfortable with the idea of identifying as a submissive in the company of dominant men. A munch isn't an attractive prospect for similar reasons plus, again, there really isn't anything to talk about.

So though it would be nice to be out to more people, I'm not really sure what that would look like...

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Ask Giles: Is a Female Led Relationship is the submissive truly serving, or is it a trade?

In Ancient Rome, she'd still have to manage
her slave: give him orders, discipline him,
keep him in his place.

On Chastity Mansion, somebody asked: "Is it serving or is it a trade?"

I think it's quite common for dominant women to hide behind the idea of a trade for a long time before taking ownership of the FLR. However, it's only a trade in that all relationships are an implicit trade.

Our desire to serve comes from our submissive orientation. It's not some higher calling. So what we really want is particular role in a relationship.

The baseline proposition is then: "Let me be your slave and you can enjoy things unavailable in a normal relationship."

Ah, but kinky "slaves" require particular treatment! Isn't that a trade?

No because, if this were some dystopia - or Ancient Rome! - where a woman could simply purchase a personal slave, she'd still have to manage him: give him orders, discipline him, keep him in his place. There'd also be protocol so his presence didn't feel intrusive.

As long as the particular treatment  makes sense - has no over the top extras - then it's no more a trade than, say, adopting a dog and then having to feed, house and train it.

You could argue that, since he can get bored and pull the plug at any time, she will always feel as if it's a trade. However, from the start, he usually has more to lose than her. He's literally trapped by his own orientation. Over time, the roles just start to feel real and normal.

So though the mistress/slave relationship implies mutual obligations, I don't think it's an actual trade by any common meaning of the word. It certainly doesn't feel like one!

---

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

GET THE "FOR HIM" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!
GET THE "FOR HER" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)

(For ebook format, 

Lulu or iTunes.)

What will Future Femdom be like?

I stand by my statement that "Femdom has no history".

The dominatrix has a history. She goes back to Summerian times at least. However, she was nicely shrink-wrapped and fire-walled in her temple precinct.

So if you insist, then, yes, Female Domination has a history, a tradition, but not the Female Dominant style of relationships. And since we can use "Femdom" to mean "a female dominant", I take that to be the core meaning:

Femdom: A relationship and/or erotic style in which the woman, her desires and needs, dominates.

What about Femdom's future history?

Kinky Actual Bucket List: Femdom Adventures I Won't Have

Just in case you thought I was living in Femdom paradise, there are plausibly doable kinky things I'd do - or I'm fairly certain I'd do - that I won't ever get to.

Temporary Chattel Slave with No Emotional Relationship

She would have to be my type..

There was a malesub on Reddit who claimed to have spent some of college as the slave to the Lesbian couple who happened to be his roommates. I'd be so up for this. There wouldn't have to be any erotic engagement from them as long as they disciplined me and kept me chaste.  I can't think of a deeper expression of my submissive love for women than to just serve such a couple.

However, I'd also be happy being the chaste slave of just one woman who didn't really know me or care about me, but did enjoy my erotic services. She wouldn't have to be my type, or even attractive. In fact the further from my type the better. Yes, it would be titillating and exciting, and there would be a measure of participative voyeurism. However, it would also be as humble an erotic situation as I can imagine.

For added points, I'd like to be casually passed around between temporary owners. "Your flat looks like it needs a clean. Shall I lend you Giles?"

This is primarily not ever going to happen because I missed the boat. I needed to have moved in BDSM circles at college or before I got married! However, even if I had done clubs and munches, I would have had to have been extremely fortunate.

Serving More Than One Woman as House Slave

I like women.

I like women. It would be awesome to spend - say - a weekend looking after a party of women as a house slave. It wouldn't have to be sexy. It would be enough to be acknowledged as a slave and otherwise ignored, except when Xena gave orders or handed out demerits.

For added points, the punishment could take place in a shared space. (Anything beyond that starts to look like erotic fantasy, and stops being "doable".)

This won't ever happen because Xena is too private, and because we aren't part of a kinky RL circle, and because even if we were it would be hard to find interested parties.

Watching While Cuckolded by a Lesbian 

Unbelievably hot.

There's an older guy on Chastity Mansion who claims, with internal consistency, to have spent the last two decades of his married life being cuckolded by a Lesbian dominatrix while being kept chaste! (It's not an entirely happy story. His wife was probably always a lesbian, but didn't know it because it was the 1970s or whatever. So what they ended up with was a good working compromise. Unfortunately his wife's kinky partner has had to move away, leaving him high and very dry.)

I find this unbelievably hot. Watching and being denied would push my buttons, as would being superseded by a woman.

For added points, this could be in the context of one of the first two scenarios.

It's not going to happen because Xena is 100% straight, or else is unwilling to explore her bi side. Even if she was, she'd have to find a female partner willing to have a slave in attendance. Too bad.pierced and sealed into a permanent titanium cage

PA Piercing with Permanent Chastity

Pierced and sealed into a permanent titanium cage (source)

Mina's Bitch over on tumblr is (or was?) pierced and sealed into a permanent titanium cage.

I can't get the pictures out of my head!

I used to think getting  a pierced dick was extreme at best, and probably unwise. Now, since we haven't had sex for four or so years, the idea doesn't seem quite so silly and the benefits - inescapable chastity - have become attractive.

Make that chastity permanent - as in this stays on until we tire of being these people - and you've got me;  a perfect storm.

It's not going to happen because... well, I don't think I want a hole in my dick. There's also the random factor - will the thing migrate? - and the need to wait nearly two months before installing a device. And Xena would have to want it, which seems unlikely. However if she did, my objections would work against me... but that's for another post.

---

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

GET THE "FOR HIM" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!
GET THE "FOR HER" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)

(For ebook format, 

Lulu or iTunes.)

What pushes my wife's buttons about male chastity...

"I prefer you that way, slave. All locked up."

BzzzzzZZZzzzzZzzzzz!

I'm kneeling at the foot of the bed, naked except for my chastity device and nipple clamps.

Xena, my wife of two decades, is having a marathon vibrator session.

This is Femdom in the raw.

It's neither a negotiated scene nor optimum for me - she has the covers drawn up so there's nothing for me to see.

There's no safeword or traffic light colours. I have no control over the action whatsoever.

All I can do is kneel there horribly horribly turned on, aware that I won't be allowed to remove my Custom Chastity Saint for weeks, and only then for quick breaks, not for any kind of orgasm, not until I've lost another 2.1 kg.

I groan.

She looks up over the mound of her knees under the covers. "Having trouble, slave?"

She knows "slave" sets me off. Knowing she knows makes it even more powerful.

My captive cock strains against its cage and I gasp, "Tell me you prefer me this way, mistress!"

 I won't be allowed to remove
my Custom Chastity Saint for weeks

"I prefer you that way, slave. All locked up."

My hips twitch and I groan again.

She giggles.

And suddenly it clicks.

Tomorrow morning, Xena will head off for a few days for work. Just before lights out, I insisted she take responsibility for the key. (Call it topping from the bottom if you like. However, from where I'm standing... kneeling... it's more a case of me not giving it away for free. If she wants a slave - she emphatically does - then she has to actually manage him.)

The totally non-kinky honest it's
to help your diet
ksafe timelock safe!  

Xena opted for the ksafe. She wasn't really interested in the process but she pressed the button and I got my moment of fear as the lugs whirred into their slots and I was irrevocably locked up for three days.

I made a point of telling her this was for real: yes, I can pull out the back, but if I masturbate I end up too puffy and bruised to get back in for an hour or so, so I'm then stuck with a partially installed chastity device locked to my balls and can't, e.g., go out to meetings or sit at my desk and work.

Xena has worked late to polish off a report, so lights out arrives with no kinky pyrotechnics. However... in the dark, she suddenly becomes frisky - prodding my balls with her feet and getting me turned on while I whimper.

"Better not have a wet dream," she purs. "That'll be another two weeks." More prodding.

More groaning from me.

"Night night slave."

Groan.

"Oh, I know what I want to do."

The light comes on and suddenly I'm kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed while her vibrator buzzes under the covers.

She enjoyed male as prey.

Back when we were dating, she was very sexually... aggressive? Adventurous? Wild?

At the time, I took that as a meeting of erotic minds. However, looking back, I think she enjoyed male as prey. She dominated by being super sexual, overwhelming her more inhibited partners.

The snag was that, even back then, I didn't have many inhibitions. So our baseline vanilla sexual styles were ultimately incompatible.

That left vanilla and kinky teasing styles: stringing out my orgasm, making me work for it. That amused her for a while. However, for her, deep down, tuning into me and playing me artfully always felt irritatingly like service, and she's very dominant.

We were left with what we mostly have now: a warm marriage, but a coldly instrumental erotic relationship in which I serve and she takes, and she sometimes beats me for various infractions.

I like being used

I'm not complaining, I like being used. (To be honest, if I weren't married I would be fine in that kind of part-time relationship with somebody where there was no emotional bond whatsoever.)

However, it's also a turn on for me when she's turned on by kink, and of course I want her to be happy and have her peak moments. And it makes the Femdom both more sustainable and more deliciously unpredictable.

How do my wife's peak erotic moments arrive?

Mostly in what I think of as Diva Mode. Here's her Mode Table as per my Vanilla Dominatrix book:

The red arrow indicates her diminishing energy levels. It's never about me, and only ever about her when she's feeling energised. My reactions are important as proof of her power. She's neither playing me nor really engaging with my feelings.

Her peak moments arrive mostly
when she beats me

Mostly, Diva Mode only happens when she beats me. If it's not too late at night and she has the energy, more often than not giving me a thorough beating gets her turned on enough to masturbate, or even involve me.

The beatings are never something I can duck out of. She's made it quite clear that safe words are for actual safety only. She can hurt me as much as she likes, even if it leaves me weeping.

It sounds as brutal as hell - it is, deliciously so. However, turn it on its head and see it from her point of view.

Any sense that her power is provisional, that I can turn the tables and pull the rug out from under her leaving her looking silly, is a passion killer. She'd end up second guessing herself, trying to judge things right so I didn't pull the plug.

Unconditional power may be a turn on, but for her it's also a disinhibitor. If she feels secure, then she can settle back and enjoy the Femdom.

Her other peak Femdom moments arise when she starts teasing me about being locked. It's always after lights out, and always when it's really clear I'm staying locked for a while, especially when the ksafe comes into action.

I did try to reflect this with our original FLR chastity system: her orgasms put back mine by days or even weeks. This stopped working after a couple of years. The mistake was that it made her orgasms about me rather than a celebration of her power. Essentially I was trying to nudge her into the wrong column.

I suggested something different at the start of this year: we agreed she would try a month of her having the arbitrary power to tell me to unlock on a Monday (i.e. to get off) and that otherwise I would stay chaste. She simply denied me an orgasm for four weeks.

Which takes us back to me kneeling on the floor, quivering while the vibrator buzzes around my wife's unseen pussy.

Security lets her relax into her dominance.

It's never about how long I've been locked, or the act of locking. That's all about making a fuss over me and my emotions.

I had thought it was about how long I will be locked, but really that was just her need to set sensible limits so her conscience didn't kick in. The more practical the chastity device, the longer I've shown  I can cope with chastity, the more casual she is about leaving me locked in it.

So my wife has three kinky passion killers and two matching kinky dis-inhibitors:

• An insecure power relationship makes her hold back for fear of breaking it. Security lets her relax into her dominance.
• Responsibility makes her second guess herself, and feels like service. Freedom from responsibility unleashes her whimsical sadistic side.
• Focus on me feels like service. Focus on her makes her horny. 

What am I going to do about this? (Because it's my job to come up with ways to make the Female Led Relationship work for both of us.)

I'll certainly continue to treat the rules and the power as real! Also, the Saint 2.0 I'm expecting to get to field test later in the year will be even more practical than the one I am currently locked into. I have a horrible sexy feeling that that will take the brakes off her dominance.

That leaves how to deal with lockup.

• She clearly doesn't enjoy managing my lock up - that forces her to be responsible and puts the focus on me, a double whammy.
• She clearly does want me to be in as close to permanent chastity as is practical, even if she doesn't quite want to take responsibility for it.
• She's most enthusiastic when it's not about my heroic feats of self discipline (and hence me), e.g. since I've been able to wear 24/7 my periods of chastity have increased.
• When lockup is the default, then she doesn't tend to order me to unlock.

....does want me to be in
as close to permanent chastity
as is practical... 

So we should definitely use the ksafe more, and set it for much longer time periods. Or try sealing the device in some semi permanent way. And I should not expect too much drama around the actual locking.

However, it does seem to be a good thing to call attention to how much time ahead I have to endure.

This leads me to an interesting idea.

Suppose I set the ksafe for two weeks, locked the key in, then took the batteries out?

Each night when I present her with my demerit counter, I could also offer a little plastic wallet with the batteries in it. She has the option to tell me install them so I can be freed in two weeks. If she doesn't feel like making a decision, I stay locked by default. However, she's also reminded that I'm locked for at least those two weeks...

We'll see.

---

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

GET THE "FOR HIM" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!
GET THE "FOR HER" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)

(For ebook format, 

Lulu or iTunes.)

How many men are locked in chastity? What's the chaste population?

You can bet on at least 20% developed
world couples with a man in them
do kink at least some of the time.

There are lots of surveys on BDSM. You can bet on at least 20% developed world couples with a man in them do kink at least some of the time.

(I take the 20% from a stunning survey of Irish couples.)

Say 50% of kinky relationships involve male submission (it's M/m, F/m or they switch).

(Quebec sexual fantasy survey has roughly half of all people fantasising about dominating their partner or being dominated by them.)

The chastity device is now a pretty standard malesub accessory, and cheap, so let's say 50% of malesub couples have one.

So, 20% x 50% x 50% = 5% of men have a male chastity device, perhaps (and we're still in the developed world here).

How many men are locked in an ongoing way (rather than just for an evening)?

Perhaps 5% of men own a chastity device

On the one hand, lifestyle relationships have to be outliers.

On the other ahd, chastity and D/s has its own gravity. The slope is slippery.

So let's say 5% of men who have a chastity device are actually locked.

5% of 5% is 0.25%

So I'd say that 1 in  400 men are "locked".

Which is still pretty stunning. I would guess these are clustered in certain demographics, meaning that if you are locked, then you're probably already in the demographic where most people are kinky.

So, perhaps 1 in 80 of the men around you are locked in chastity...